by Bob Banner
The four of us had been meeting for a few times. We are all healers of sorts and somehow we are being called to come together.
When I heard about the gathering, something inside of me said yes! Somehow I knew before we actually got together that it was a good thing, a good sign, a new something that hadn’t been articulated yet. But it definitely was about love, about feeling it and exuding it and perhaps even be some sort of portal for something important to come through. Perhaps we knew that we could no longer do “it” by ourselves, at least I can confess to that notion.
In any event, I simply want to relay an important story of what happened one night. All 4 of us met one evening and when asked about how each was doing, I said, “not great at all.” And for some reason the stuff of my life was getting too particularly intense in that I was “losing it,” I felt “fucked up” which to me means off centered, allowing anxieties to get to the best of me and all the other expressions when I would utter such a feeling. I also felt I could speak the truth. Even though it was only the second time meeting each other as a group, we all knew each other. Oftentimes it doesn’t take too much for me to open up in an honest way, something I might have acquired when I was younger, but that’s another story.
Don asked if I wanted to have a treatment, that it would take 3 to 9 minutes. I eagerly said yes. And that yes came also from knowing that Carol had worked with Don a week before and something that she had been feeling for decades was taken to its roots and a brand-new bodily/neural realization had taken place. In other words, her block had been removed.
So, Don got closer to me on the couch. I closed my eyes and he simply asked me some questions about the anxiousness. I blurted out that the film event wasn’t just mine but it was larger. I have to be responsible for someone else, I said, in this case the film director, and even though that it happened before and everything went fine, this time it involved much anxiety, possibly a forbidding, as if it had provoked and unleashed every single insecurity…everything… and all the challenges and neuroses were coming to the forefront for all to see, including me.
As I was talking, he started to tap above my eyebrows and along my forehead. I sat still feeling what was in the pit of my belly, a burning sensation, a needle. With his guidance, I actively journeyed through my inner experience and then for some strange reason I started to belly ache cry and as I was crying I had free space to reflect what that was about. I see love there. I see people accepting me.
He kept on gently conversing with me and tapping. I could easily have gone the road to deeper cries since my major modalities for all healing was one of catharsis. I could see it coming and I could’ve gone down that familiar path but I somehow decided to curb that momentum; I took a right turn rather than a left. And Don asked me to recite certain things as I was tapping the lower side of my hand as I said the words, “I accept myself unconditionally…”
As I spoke it I could taste the judgment for a few seconds and then the critic subsided because this was my life on the line, and yet this was critical. Critical to the point that I even started looking for a “job” and be done with all of this doing “one’s purpose and mission and going deeper.” I just wanted a clean and clear bank account! I kept on repeating as he kept on tapping my forehand. Not sure at this point what was happening. I recall the tapping, the eyes closed and the affirmation of self acceptance and love. And in that interim I felt an ease come over, the needle prickling in my belly was no longer there. It had gone away.
Don wanted to know where the energy was and I said it moved to my heart and chest area, it felt good, like some heart love energy was moving through me and already warming my forehead.
Something had eased. A sense of freedom amidst the chaos was being viscerally felt and I was relaxing more. Don kept on having me breathe, taking deeper and deeper breaths until believe it or not I recall a grin coming from my face. A genuine grin, moving toward a smile. Something had left me. There was this relief that was happening and I did not even want my critical mind to enter and do its thing. I surrendered to it. Surrendered to his tapping and the simply breathing and feeling the heat in my chest.
And then it was all over. I found myself laughing, opened my eyes, looked at Don, Carol and Anne and there was this new found relief. They told me the session lasted about 10 to 15 minutes. The anxiety was gone, the painful needle at the pit of my belly was no more to be felt.
I was now more alive and could simply be a more wakeful contributor to what else the evening had in store for us.
During the rest of the evening I would check in periodically and that anxiousness still was inoperable, stunned, placed on pause mode.
I became my usual self laughing, giving insights, reflecting, planning, etc.
Before we all left to go our separate ways I asked Don about when I would need a boost of what he gave me. He simply answered that it was gone.
I got in my car and headed home, feeling very grateful as to what just happened. And I slept like a baby. I recall waking up at 4 AM and laid there seeing if in fact it had truly gone. I imagined the evening, the bad possibilities, the good possibilities all the while checking in with my sensations and I felt no charge. It wasn’t there. It’s not that the thoughts disappeared. They were the normal thoughts of a person who has a job and is simply reflecting on the task at hand and it was gone, that edge of anxiety, the incessant visceral voice of not being good enough and that I fucked up again somehow –– was all gone! I checked it out, even imagined myself in a more challenging scenario and the charge had dissipated.
Wow such gratitude I felt. I thought prior to this that thats what I needed to “struggle” with all my life! And here it was gone.. and without any assistance with psychedelic medicines or contorted postures or intense breathing catharsis movements.
I had done plenty of work on myself, perhaps more than normal because I truly needed to – the being in 2 communities for seven years using fourth way introspection, catharsis, bodywork, gestalt, primal, deep tissue work, meditation, etc. But this was different, this was subtle, this lasted 15 minutes and the results are continuing as I write this story.
Thank you Don for your gift, and thank you Anne and Carol to bear witness to those precious 15 minutes to alter the emotional direction of my life.
Bob Banner is the director of www.HopeDance.org and used to screen non-fiction films about 7-12 times a month in 3-4 counties: 805 762 4848. For those who wish to see a video clip of HOW basic tapping (EFT) works, please view: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r7OZwhcqxY