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Book Reviews
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The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout, Ph.D.,
(Broadway Books, NY 2005)
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If the title catches your attention, you may suffer from dealing with a person who has no conscience and is adept at lying. That’s the definition of a sociopath according to the author, who is trained in psychiatry and currently a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School.
Statistically, Dr. Stout claims that one out of every 25 citizens is a sociopath. Look at an average neighborhood where 25 people live on one block, and you will see that this is not an uncommon problem. (More prevalent, perhaps, in rural areas.) If you have dealt with sociopathic-neighbor problems, you know the frustrations of harassment. For example, the neighbor yelling obscene words at you, taking photos of your guests, and conducting hourly surveillance of your activities is not doing anything against the law. In SLO County, a person can openly carry a gun while approaching another person and be within the law if the gun is not pointed at that human being.
Dr. Stout lists THIRTEEN RULES FOR DEALING WITH SOCIOPATHS IN EVERYDAY LIFE:
1. Accept the fact that no-conscience often looks normal.
2. Do not believe role “taken on” by sociopath.
3. Use “rule of three lies” for confirming suspicion about dealing with a liar.
4. Social support will help you to question authority.
5. Suspect flattery.
6. Redefine your concept of respect: keep it separate from fear.
7. Do not join in the “game.”
8. Avoid contact, if possible.
9. Don’t pity the sociopath.
10. Don’t try to redeem the irredeemable.
11. Never agree to help sociopaths conceal their true character.
12. Remember that most human beings do possess a conscience, an ability to love.
Dr. Stout’s thirteenth point is not original, and one I would not follow. But here it is: “Living well is the best revenge.” Living-well may only infuriate the sociopath. But victims must decide for themselves.
Martha Stout refers to the sociopathic “Gaslight” effect, as seen in the Charles Boyer movie where gaslights became dimmer and dimmer to drive Ingrid Bergman insane. Many sociopaths work from a similar script. Dr. Stout says normal people cannot imagine the reason anyone would do such a thing: “We are not prepared to understand, or even believe, and will doubt our own sense of reality first.”
Without a conscience or feeling of guilt, the sociopath can be “charming, spontaneous, intense, complex, even sexy — but cannot love,” says the author. They sham emotion, are indifferent to others’ suffering. They live to dominate and are thrilled to win.”
If this review alerts readers to their own sociopathic-neighbor problems, and they want an opportunity to meet with fellow sufferers with the purpose to help each other, please contact me at info@hopedance.org.
Barbara Marysdaughter
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